rewind or fast-forward

lately life has sort of been in a rut. well, not really...i guess it's more that i haven't been happy with where i am lately. with all sorts of decisions coming up (like, 10 year plan type stuff) i've just felt completely overwhelmed. when faced with so many big decisions i tend to just sort of shut down and not make any decisions instead of breaking things down into smaller, more digestible chunks. i think i've finally gotten the wheels to start turning (slowly...very slowly) but all i can think of is i need a break/vacation.

the title of the post comes from the fact that part of me would love to be about 6 months back, on my honeymoon when i was carefree and my hair wasn't falling out; where i was having coffee beachside every morning, taking an afternoon dip in the hot tub, and partaking in mai tai happy hour at sunset. the other half of me would like to fast-forward to after these decisions have been made, the proper steps have been taken, the dust has settled and i'm getting a move on life. i know that neither of these choices are possible, and this phase of life right now is just a reality, part of living/growing/changing. i also am confident that at the end of this i will appreciate this period of struggle, because it will result in something better.

all in all, however, it would sure be nice to be back here: